The Hague, Netherlands, (AlbanianTimes) 8/17/07: The Albanian Directorate of Sports has served notice it plans to sue Bulgaria in International Court over the illegal recruitment of a 'Ringer' for an international Tug-Of-War event. Albania will play Bulgaria for the world title during the upcoming 'Tugfest 2007' to be held in Fuck, Austria in September. Tug-of-war teams from all over the world will gather for the games. Albania has held the world championship for the past several years and is determined to keep it.
Spokesman Vlàshi Sapunxiu speaking on behalf of the directorate said Albania will 'vigorously pursue' any legal remedy first, but, "if we are forced to do so, we will mobilize the entire Albanian Armed Forces (Forcat e Armatosura të Shqipërisë) to protect our interests. This is far too important for us to allow some Khazakistani ringer into the games on the Bulgarian side as their all-important anchor."
"Those Bulgarian pigs have blatantly brought in a ringer from Khazakistan, a man who has previously competed for that country in the international arena." said Sapunxiu. "It is something up with which we shall not put!"
Bulgarian officials claim nothing could be farther from the truth. "The bastard Sapunxiu is referring to our own native son Baltabek Vasilyev." retorted the Bulgarian minister. "While it is true he was born in Khazakistan and has competed for them in the past, our intelligence service has determined that Baltabek's great grandmother was raped at least once by an Bulgarian Tartar during the first world war, therefore it is entirely possible he is of Bulgarian descent! We therefore, are claiming him as our own!"
Vasilyev, who will serve as the team 'anchor' is the nephew of the infamous Azamat Bagatov, who accompanied Sacha Borat during his epic tour of the US in 2006. A movie scene from that tour in which Borat wrestles Bagatov in the near nude in a motel room is a nauseating classic. (TheSpoof, Albania Post, AlbanianTimes)
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